Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
