Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I think my moral compass just broke
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