so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
please don't ironically join a cult
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