I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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