So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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