My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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