you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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