i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
