he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
