The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
