This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
