my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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