yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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