My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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