1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
