you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
