I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
