Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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