im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
