My hand turned me down
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
