my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
