Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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