walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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