Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
the day after is always just damage control
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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