I wish I could teleport
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
