Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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