dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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