I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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