Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
