are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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