Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
