ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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