Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
