this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
did i walk over a car last night?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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