if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
