OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
