Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize