So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Well I just put wine in my tea
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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