She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
