I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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