Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize