My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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