I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
