...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hippo gnu deer
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
