Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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