So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I came so hard my ears popped.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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