It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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