I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
