There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
