The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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