apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
