Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
