No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
