I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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