I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
