Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
