Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
