Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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