i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
This house was built for laser tag.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
