I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
