yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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