DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
