She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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