You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize